But by some errant fluke of fortune, when I arrived at my testing location on Tuesday morning, I discovered that someone had neglected to order the AB version for me, so I gleefully took the regular A version instead. Which was easy-peasy, by the way.

So… in short, SAVED BY SOMEONE’S FORGETFULNESS. But I still have all this crap about key sets and TreeNodes floating around my head like discarded trash…

Tangent: Note to self: Kill S-chan and/or Yachi.

Nap > sleepy time = not good.

We had an annoying English assignment where we had to develop a character in a two-page piece of fiction. My friends, like the n00bs that they deny they are, spent the entire day asking one another in a tone of atrocious presumption, “So what did you write about in your short story?” And then waited for a response like someone waiting for a butler to serve them breakfast. Which was infinitely irritating. So I rejoined with varying hedges, alternating between the likes of “A hamster that ate a mutation-inducing marshmallow” and “A magical watermelon which endows the bearer with powers of flight.” My story really isn’t so horrible as to warrant concealment, but to tell the truth, there are a small number of little “problems” I keep finding in the manuscript… like factual inaccuracies, clichéd descriptions, oversimplistic characterizations. I almost want to cover my draft with little snide comments. Like, in the masterfully produced sci-fi action film Ultraviolet (this is relevant… just wait and see), the protagonist lives in a country controlled by a totalitarian government, and in the beginning when she’s infiltrating some government facility, she addresses some guy (whose ass she later kicks) as “Comrade Doctor.” Even though, as I privately ruminated later, the government is not communist. So when writing that piece of dreamlike shit, I tried to emulate a different, otherworldly setting by having everyone address each other as “Comrade.” But the location was based on stuff I’ve seen in our suburban town in our oh-so-capitalistic nation, so I’m not so sure whether my depiction was valid…

This is the first post I’ve written since my WordPress 2.5 upgrade, by the way. I really like what they did with the admin interface.

Musical update: We now bid adieu to the aristocratic Versailles and welcome a lesser-known indie band, a visual kei anomaly consisting entirely of females. Say hello to exist†trace and their most recent mini-album, Annunciation -the heretic elegy- (accessible through the “Currently Playing” link above).

Unfortunately, there aren’t many high-resolution promotional photos of exist†trace, and the group shot I obtained for this rotation is unpleasantly grainy… although I did my best to touch it up with despeckle filters.

Well, I finished reading Koi Kaze. Although it did not end in tragedy after all, it was still a bittersweet kind of conclusion.

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT. Plot elements are discussed in great detail here, so do not proceed if you haven’t already finished the manga.

As it turns out, Koshiro and Nanoka confess to each other, Koshiro kisses her, and they spend the rest of the evening at Koshiro’s apartment, wondering what they should do. Nanoka reminisces to Koshiro about a childhood dream of hers, where she becomes a cosmetician like her mother and marries and has lots of children.

“But since I like Brother now,” she murmurs, smiling sadly, “that ‘dream’ will never come true.”

Koshiro is inwardly devastated by her pronouncement, although he does his best to cover it up. Later that night, Nanoka asks him to sleep with her, and Koshiro vows to keep their relationship chaste and never to “do” anything with her.

Morning comes, and Koshiro initially intends to spend the day together at a park, but the two get sidetracked on the bus and end up at a Shinto temple instead. The sun is shining, and the foliage casts shimmering shadows on the temple steps. After praying, the brother and sister sit beside each other on a stone ledge overlooking the ocean. After several minutes of basking in the sunshine and sound of ocean waves, Nanoka abruptly breaks the silence, startling Koshiro.

“Let’s commit lovers’ suicide.”

Koshiro is tongue-tied, but Nanoka proceeds, serenely and wistfully. “If only I could be reborn as someone else, and not be your sister… then I could be your bride.”

————————

As terrible as that thought is, it’s quickly put behind them, although its memory lurks in the background of every subsequent encounter between the two. Koshiro drops Nanoka off at her house and promises her he’ll be back after attending to some important business.

“I won’t deny my feelings anymore. I’ll always be close to you. But Nanoka, don’t be afraid to live more freely from now on.”

Nanoka is then shown lying on the floor, holding her brother’s teddy bear, and wondering to herself what he meant by that.

————————

But back to that “dream” motif. The story then follows Koshiro as he visits his mother, dressed somberly in a black tie and suit. After joking that Koshiro looked like he was “bringing back a bride,” his mother asks Koshiro his reason for coming. Koshiro then tells her that he intends to remain a bachelor for the rest of his life, and he will never marry because of someone he liked. Makie is surprised, but tells him gently that she trusts him to do the right thing. She withdraws to the beauty parlor for a bit to attend to a customer, and Koshiro kneels down and bows after her retreating back in the Japanese fashion. When Makie returns, she finds that her son has already left.

The rest of the tale is like a dream. To avoid revealing any more telling details, Koshiro and Nanoka both agree to give up their respective dreams to be with each other, although Koshiro continues to live apart from the rest of the family in his apartment. The siblings meet occasionally, using their familial relationship as a cover for their trysts. And yes, the two do become lovers, although this is never shown explicitly.

The last scene leads us back to a park full of cherry blossoms in full bloom. Koshiro and Nanoka meet by arrangement, and Koshiro mentions that he heard the carnival would be closing soon. Nanoka sadly reflects that she had thought it would always be there. Then Nanoka mentions that her mother had told her about Koshiro’s vow to never marry, and teasingly scolds him for not telling Nanoka first.

“Brother, I like you. I love you.” Smiling warmly, she seizes Koshiro by the hand. “Let’s go!”

Koshiro drags behind and they break apart. Surrounded by a shower of pink cherry blossoms, Nanoka smiles and makes as if to run ahead without him. Then the tumultuous emotions that Koshiro had suppressed and kept secret for so long break to the surface, and Koshiro calls after her, “Nanoka! I love you.”

Having finally expressed himself freely, some color rises in Koshiro’s face, but he manages to smile it away. The last panel shows Nanoka smiling back in genuine happiness, and the story ends.

In all, I was glad to see Koi Kaze end this way. Not everything is resolved, and the author makes no guarantee that they’ll live the rest of their lives in peace. And it is somewhat heartbreaking that the two will always have to conceal their relationship and continue to meet in that manner… but then again, that is life. There are some things that one can never attain. And as every realist knows, it’s foolish to think otherwise.

And once again, I have to say that Koi Kaze, while perhaps the most beautiful story I’ve ever read, is (to steal from another review) a truly “disturbing masterpiece”… and something that I have no doubt will remain with me for a long time, to tug again and again at my heartstrings and trouble me as I lie awake at night.

Koshiro, a professional wedding consultant, has recently been dumped by his girlfriend when he crosses paths with a cute high school girl. Though inappropriate due to their age difference (he’s 27, she’s 15), he winds up on what passes for a date with her, where he ultimately displays more of his feelings than he had intended. The awkwardness of the situation is heightened tenfold when the two discover that she, Nanoka, is the little sister that Koshiro hasn’t seen in more than a decade — and she’s moving in with him and his divorced father in order to attend high school! Never a man comfortable with his emotions, Koshiro must struggle to sort out feelings that just won’t go away even in light of their status as siblings. And how does Nanoka feel about Koshiro? Could it be that she, too, has feelings for him as well, feelings that transcend their familial status, even despite Koshiro’s moody nature?

But that really isn’t it. No basic plot synopsis could do this story justice. And so far, it’s much more heart-wrenching than I could have ever expected.

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT. Plot elements are discussed in some detail here, but the ending is not revealed. Proceed with caution.

For some inexplicable reason, I’ve lately been interested in the taboo topic of incest — yes, incest — leading me to check out the novel Ada or Ardor: A Family Chronicle by Vladimir Nabokov and most recently to peruse a Japanese manga entitled Koi Kaze. I’ve seriously been out of the manga/anime arena for a while (my last manga/anime was probably three or more years ago), so I didn’t quite know what to expect. The fact that Koi Kaze was a romance story, with my recently acquired aversion to romance and all, might have deterred me if I hadn’t known about the incest. And I must say…

The story distressed me. It truly did. But not because of the incest, I assure you. To be honest, I regard incestuous relationships, especially brother-sister ones, with much more respect and reverence than the “normal,” exogamous, heterosexual ones (and in my mind silly and inherently false). I suppose it’s mainly due to my skepticism of the existence of true love between strangers, and perhaps… because I recognize that at least with brothers and sisters, there’s a certain intimacy and simultaneously a certain agony that cannot be found anywhere else. Intimacy because of their familial relationship and close proximity to each other within the same household… and the small things that are usually taken for granted between siblings but in these cases demonstrate one’s love for one another. And agony, of course, because of the ever-present societal taboo and the consequent guilt surrounding one’s feelings.

No, that wasn’t what bothered me. It was just…

As far as manga characters go, Koshiro Saeki, in my opinion, has to be one of the genre’s most genuine creations. I like him very much. The author was infinitely wise in dispensing with the oft-abused, archetypal pretty-boy male and creating in his stead a real, believable and tormented human. Koshiro is not handsome. He’s described as a 27-year-old “bear of a man” who works a decidedly uninteresting job at a marriage counseling agency. He’s often brusque but hides within himself all of his troubled thoughts and emotions. And then the scenes that depict him as lying awake, tossing and turning on his bed in the dead of night, struggling to overcome his confusion and preventing his thoughts from straying to his sister…

Nanoka Kihonata. In this case, a stereotypical pretty and carefree high school girl. Even though her expressions and antics are often too cute to be taken seriously (there were moments when even I wanted to hug her and say “Awwwwww…”), her unique situation and her gradual maturation add deeper layers to her character. I especially empathized with her loneliness when Koshiro moved out… the moments spent looking into space, reliving cherished but confusing memories, and weeping anguished tears…

————————

And then he gently touches her face with his hand, as Nanoka bends over him on his bed.

“Do you want to sleep together?”

He seems to shake his head when he realizes what he’s said, then turns away. “I need to sleep. You should go to your own room.”

————————

Later, when they look at each other from beneath the bridge, Nanoka’s eyes burning with tears, she confesses in her agony, “The one I really like is Brother!”

To which Koshiro declares, with a desperate resolution in his eyes, “If you don’t need anything else, I won’t need anything else, either.”

And he bends down and kisses her on the mouth, as the freight train thunders across the bridge overhead, obscuring the two in shadow.

————————

But how can this story ever end in happiness? That’s what distresses me.

Although I have yet to read the series to its completion, thankfully (perhaps), when I recall the doomed qualities of their love, I frankly cannot expect Koi Kaze to end well. It’s rare for me to be so emotionally invested in fictional characters. But the whole inevitability of it all disturbed me the entire evening last night, and throughout the waking hours of this day. And although I have never experienced anything quite resembling that kind of emotional torment, Koi Kaze so far has proved to be a thoroughly devastating tale and an unforgiving eye-opener to the cruelty of fate and social conventions.

But to the author’s credit (Motoi Yoshida), I also have to complement the unique design and psychology of the main characters, especially those of Koshiro, Nanoka, and even Koshiro’s coworker Kaname Chidori. The art was also well done, and the story refreshingly unfettered by clichés (although the translator’s rendering in the scanlation I read left much to be desired… “Hello! You have a team of, like, five people! And none of you caught any of those comma splices???”)

Please. Don’t. End in tragedy…

A Noble was Born in Chaos
アーティスト名： Versailles

1. Aristocrat’s Symphony
2. SUZERAIN
3. zombie

3 songs / 1,575 yen (tax included)
※各公演お一人様一枚のみ購入可能

2008年3月19日 SHIBUYA-AXより発売開始

I hunted around the Web for more news, and according to one site, this single is “exclusively sold at [Versailles’] 3/19 Shibuya AX event.”

Does that mean it won’t be available in stores???

Also, a new rock omnibus, CROSS GATE 2008 -chaotic sorrow-, will be released on the 26th of March. The only reason millions of fans are salivating over this release is because it happens to contain a new, hitherto unreleased song by Versailles called “SFORZANDO,” a beautiful and outstanding example of the symphonic/neo-classical metal genre. (Some zealous fan uploaded the song to YouTube, where it’s available for your listening pleasure.)

Music annoys me sometimes, but I don’t think Versailles ever will.

Other news: I added a streaming music player to this blog, accessible through the “Currently Playing” link in the horizontal navigation menu above. As of this writing, my playlist features the aristocratic stylings of Versailles — their 2007 mini-album, Lyrical Sympathy.

I’m not sure whether I want to continue writing this blog… I’ve been feeling anti-blogging for several months now, and the upkeep of this site is beginning to feel like an unpleasant chore. Perhaps if I’m actually capable of producing good/original writing… well, perhaps. Perhaps I’ll convert this blog into a writing journal. But I’m not sure yet. The story still has yet to be written.

* Is that something like when you find an injured bird and it dies, and you weep and naively think that it’s gone to a better place? *coughs disbelievingly*

I am spending way too much time at the public library.

Homework… must work…

Haha, this is pretty sad.

Note: The aesthetically flawless WordPress theme before you was designed completely by myself. On the downside… I think I just reduced my lifespan by five years.

* Actually, that’s more like, “GODDAMMIT!!!!! THERE’S STILL AN ENTIRE WEEK LEFT!!!!!!!!”

Election results here and here.

Samples from the comments left on Clinton’s blog:

YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!! HILLARY WON OHIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh happy day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO HILLARY GO!!!!!!

——————————

HILLARY WINS OH

HILLARY HILLARY HILLARY HILLARY HILLARY HILLARY
F O R P R E S I D E T

——————————

YES WE DID!

HILLARY = SUPERWOMAN

MY PRESIDENT — OUR PRESIDENT —– YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

——————————

Hillary’s speech was brilliant. I love that she reminded everyone of Ohio’s historical significance. No one has lost the OH primary and won the Whitehouse. I am so excited and inspired right now, and the confetti and deafening cheers were so exciting! I am alone at home, and I was cheering along with the crowd (my neighbors might think I am crazy lol). Thank you OH and RI, and I am optimistic about TX!

——————————

This…..

IS THE HAPPINEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

HILLARY I LOVE YOU AND I AM GLAD YOU DID NOT ANYONE KNOCK YOU DOWN!!

Ahem… that was a very selective offering, since the vast majority contained exclamations of “Praise the Lord!” and “God bless America!” and that kind of nonsense…

At any rate… very reinvigorating night for the Clinton campaign. Hopefully, the rest of America will realize that experience does matter…

[Edit] HAHAHAHAHAHAHA—!!! [/Edit]

Unfortunately, it tastes so fucking good that I usually consume half the bag at one sitting… and I think it ceased to be nutritious a long time ago…

Rehabilitation…? Yes, that would be nice…

Quiet, stupid shoulder demon!!!

———————————

Hey, did anyone happen to catch NBC Nightly News (with Brian Williams) last night? He was reporting from Cleveland, Ohio, and right before he signed off, he mentioned something about Northeast Ohioans expecting eight to ten inches of snow later in the evening. (Tim White and Romona Robinson of the local Channel 3 News later refuted that claim, forecasting a meager one to three inches instead: “Eight to ten inches? What was that all about? He obviously didn’t listen to our Betsy Kling!”)

Haha… well, it certainly wasn’t eight to ten inches, but for all intents and purposes, Brian Williams was right.

Which is sort of tragically funny at the same time, since I was earnestly planning to play hooky today.

Daddy: Hey, Jenny, you don’t want to go to school today? The high school’s closed!
Fa: … what? GODDAMMIT. *thoughts turn to the local school district* Wusses!

At which I threw open the window blinds, and realized that there actually was quite a lot of snow outside.

I devoured half a bag of Life cereal later that day.

———————————

In other news, the last Democratic debate of our national primary season is TONIGHT!

Cleveland State University is hosting the event at 9:00 pm this evening, and both Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama will be in attendance. Moderators will be Brian Williams and Tim Russert of NBC News.

Reportedly, since there was so much interest in volunteering at the debate, two separate lotteries were held to divvy up the slots!

Americans and Earthlings, prepare yourselves! History is in the making!

• Vidoll
• Phantasmagoria
• Rentrer en Soi

And the pile of Chinese pop lies forgotten on the floor…

There was a snow day today, on account of below-zero temperatures. Yahoo.

Now, anecdotal moment!*

(Standing alone in the kitchen)
Orlando: (holding four kitchen knives behind his back while affecting the air of a subservient butler) Perhaps you would like a cleaver between the eyes along with your breakfast, Señor Lang? (manic gleam enters his eyes as he brings knives in front of him) Or perhaps an open heart surgery without anesthesia???

(Grace walks in)
Grace: … Orlando… what are you doing?
Orlando: (pauses in the act of brandishing his knives) Uhhhh… I was just… thinking.
Grace: “Thinking”??? Please, Orlando, put those away. Calm yourself.
Orlando: Calm? Calm??? Grace, I am calm! Can’t you see this aura of calmness surrounding my face? I am EXTREMELY CALM!!

* Rough English approximation from memory. Brought to you by Besos Robados, a Peruvian telenovela of a decidedly tawdry caliber. Yet, regrettably, I watch it on a regular basis every Saturday. (That’s one of the only benefits of living in America, by the way: free Spanish-language channel!) Trashiness aside, the premise wasn’t too bad at first, but the characters and the story of late are beginning a deathward spiral, and Orlando, el chofer, is really the only fun character left on the show. Too bad he’s in love with Fernanda, who I personally think is una bruja. And the reason Orlando was fantasizing about killing Samuel Lang (the sleazy and morally questionable abogado) in the above scene was because Samuel had started romancing Fernanda, and Orlando couldn’t do anything about it because he’s a servant and of a different social class. Not a very good show, anyway. Better than the Mexican ones, though. Y supongo que esté mejorando mi español…