Asian pop star BoA seems to be pulling out all the stops on her latest, self-titled album BoA, an English language release planned to hit the U.S. on Tuesday, March 17, 2009. And yes, you read that right. The Korean sweetheart, BoA, 22, beloved by South Koreans, Japanese, some Chinese, and multitudes of Asians abroad, is finally setting her eyes on the distant shores of the United States.

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HAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T CONTAIN IT ANYMORE. I have a lawyer. His name is Sylvester. We've been working together since the fifth grade. And just now I decided that Jorge (HOR-hay, not Georgie) is the name of my professional hit man. A highly skilled contract killer who came into being shortly after I threatened Yachi with the usual "I'll kill you… in your sleep." Which segued into a long, Conan O'Brien-esque "There will be no physical evidence linking me to your murder. It shall be done. I will pay for it. And I will be blameless, blameless in the eyes of the international court…"

See, when you threaten people, you've got to make the "I'll kill you" part loud and menacing (preferably in a heavy metal death voice), then wait a few, uncomfortable seconds for that to simmer before springing the "in your sleep" bit in a low, intimidating hiss. Unfortunately, I haven't mastered the death threat sans the goofy grin yet, but it's enough to personally entertain.

Jorge is 100% pure Mexican, of course. Sylvester is just one of those run-of-the-mill sleazy white Americans, though — now that I think about it — possibly part Russian and Italian mafia. Gee… that would explain why he's so… lethal.

Damn, it's too perfect. I'm beside myself.

You may know William Shatner from TV. You know… Captain Kirk in the original Star Trek, Denny Crane in Boston Legal, and occasional shaman in World of Warcraft. What you might not know is that he's also Priceline's "Negotiator."

Yes, OGT week starts tomorrow and I have nothing better to do. So humor me and watch these brilliant commercials.

Undercover Negotiator

The Negotiator Travel-Napping

The Negotiator and NoFee

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Por favor, no dejes de estar viva.

Tus ojos tristes, casi cerrados, y tu bello pelaje…

La señorita Rata.

Ella está por morirse.

Hay que perder una antes de que puedas apreciar una criatura tan pequeña.