(Suitable prologues to this post: my reviews for Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight and New Moon. The current subject is Eclipse, third installment in the series.)

Hands down, this is perhaps the worst book I’ve ever read.

Excerpt from back cover:

In the dead silence, all the details suddenly fell into place for me with a burst of intuition.
Something Edward didn’t want me to know.
Something that Jacob wouldn’t have kept from me.
Something that had the Cullens and the wolves both in the woods, moving in hazardous proximity to each other…

Something I’d been waiting for anyway.

Something I knew would happen again, as much as I might wish it never would.

It was never going to end, was it?

Indeed. When will it ever end?

And referring back to the post title, here is the reason I thought Eclipse was “inappropriately” titled, in the most acute sense of the word:

to eclipse

1. (transitive) Of atronomical bodies, to cause an eclipse.
   The Moon eclipsed the Sun.
2. (transitive) To overshadow; to be better or more noticeable than.
   The student’s skills soon eclipsed those of his teacher.

Um, excuse me? This miserable excuse for a novel is incapable of overshadowing anything, unless you count that talking-hooded-monkey-assassin short story that my brother wrote more than a year ago.

…

Oh, wait, now that I consider it… nope, even talking assassin monkeys are 500 times more entertaining and better-characterized than this load of shit.

Continue reading »