Haha. I recall nearly killing myself last year with the overweening complexity and the 40+ classes I had to code for my AP Computer Science final project. Overkill, yes? The final product was quite amusing, however. It was a rudimentary text adventure-type game (where the player inputs commands in a text console to explore some imaginary game world), and it all revolved around the highly mindless slaughter of Korean boy band members.

A sample session might include the following output (user inputs in bold):

:: Dungeon Cell ::
The light emanating from the torches on the walls dance across your surroundings, casting a sinister glow upon the stone. With the aid of the light, you can just barely make out the old, dark stains on the walls and floor. The place bears the unmistakable signs of death and prolonged torment. Who knows what you'll find in this godforsaken place...
Obvious exits: north south east west
        Micky Yoochun is standing here.
        A cantaloupe lies on the ground.

HP: 100/100 > kill micky
You charge at Micky Yoochun!

HP: 100/100 > <*****> jab
You jab at Micky Yoochun, causing 13 damage!

HP: 100/100 > <**** >
Micky Yoochun girly-slaps your face with all of his strength, but misses!

Anyway, I implemented a truly kick-ass battle system. With multiple threading. Those DBSK members can move around freely in the dungeon, ambush the unsuspecting player, initiate pointless small-talk with the player (when they’re feeling slightly less hostile), and of course, engage in real-time combat. They drop their possessions when they perish, and the player can pick them up, scavenger-like (although as of yet I’ve not made them usable). Oh yeah, and interspersed throughout each confrontation with a Korean nancy-boy are classic battle quotes like “Your love is all I need…” and “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Sadly, I was a bit harried at the time, so I was only able to create five Korean boy band characters, more specifically the members of that odious group DBSK. I was thinking of expanding the dungeon and putting all thirteen members of Super Junior in there as well, and knowing nearly zilch about them, I browsed the Web today for their names and some basic biographical illumination.

Silly Super Juniors

Shindong — Shin-dong??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What an unfortunate lad…
Donghae — I think any Korean who calls himself “dong” should merit our wholehearted empathy.
Ryeowook — Ru-yeh-wook? Ru-ye-oh-wook? Doesn’t that sound like the perfect appellation for a Wookie?
Kibum — I nearly thought this was a name for some body part. Like coccyx. “He rubbed her coccyx and she cooed with pleasure.” “I kissed her on her kibum.” I’ve been reading far too much Vladimir Nabokov…
Eunhyuk — “Hyuk” is the sound I make when I hiccup. Hyuk, hyuk. Hy-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuk-uweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegh-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh…

Basically, if mispronounced the right way, any one of those Korean misnomers could cause me to laugh my head off. Silly Koreans. Silly nancy-boys.

So, uh, what does my dear reader think? (Bonus points if you mention Koreans in your angry comment!)

Well, it’s back to music reviews — for the moment, anyway.

J-Pop wonder Hikaru Utada released her fifth Japanese studio album, entitled HEART STATION, earlier this year on March 19. Long before that time, I had officially shed all interest and ties to the few pop artists I had formerly enjoyed (finally realizing the stupidity and vapidity of the genre), so I did not exactly salivate at the news of Hikaru’s release. Which is why I’m reviewing the thing now, roughly three months later, as opposed to being extremely slow on the uptake.

A telling tidbit, at any rate, since an admirable or merely respectable musical endeavor would not have prompted any sort of mention here.

Why do I dislike HEART STATION?

Continue reading »

I took a three-hour nap right after school today. That in itself isn’t very unusual (I usually average three to four nowadays). However, for the first time in memory, my nap exceeded the length of time I spent sleeping last night… which was two hours.

Nap > sleepy time = not good.

We had an annoying English assignment where we had to develop a character in a two-page piece of fiction. My friends, like the n00bs that they deny they are, spent the entire day asking one another in a tone of atrocious presumption, “So what did you write about in your short story?” And then waited for a response like someone waiting for a butler to serve them breakfast. Which was infinitely irritating. So I rejoined with varying hedges, alternating between the likes of “A hamster that ate a mutation-inducing marshmallow” and “A magical watermelon which endows the bearer with powers of flight.” My story really isn’t so horrible as to warrant concealment, but to tell the truth, there are a small number of little “problems” I keep finding in the manuscript… like factual inaccuracies, clichéd descriptions, oversimplistic characterizations. I almost want to cover my draft with little snide comments. Like, in the masterfully produced sci-fi action film Ultraviolet (this is relevant… just wait and see), the protagonist lives in a country controlled by a totalitarian government, and in the beginning when she’s infiltrating some government facility, she addresses some guy (whose ass she later kicks) as “Comrade Doctor.” Even though, as I privately ruminated later, the government is not communist. So when writing that piece of dreamlike shit, I tried to emulate a different, otherworldly setting by having everyone address each other as “Comrade.” But the location was based on stuff I’ve seen in our suburban town in our oh-so-capitalistic nation, so I’m not so sure whether my depiction was valid…

This is the first post I’ve written since my WordPress 2.5 upgrade, by the way. I really like what they did with the admin interface.

Musical update: We now bid adieu to the aristocratic Versailles and welcome a lesser-known indie band, a visual kei anomaly consisting entirely of females. Say hello to exist†trace and their most recent mini-album, Annunciation -the heretic elegy- (accessible through the “Currently Playing” link above).

Unfortunately, there aren’t many high-resolution promotional photos of exist†trace, and the group shot I obtained for this rotation is unpleasantly grainy… although I did my best to touch it up with despeckle filters.

Excerpt from official Versailles site:

A Noble was Born in Chaos
アーティスト名： Versailles

1. Aristocrat’s Symphony
2. SUZERAIN
3. zombie

3 songs / 1,575 yen (tax included)
※各公演お一人様一枚のみ購入可能

2008年3月19日 SHIBUYA-AXより発売開始

I hunted around the Web for more news, and according to one site, this single is “exclusively sold at [Versailles’] 3/19 Shibuya AX event.”

Does that mean it won’t be available in stores???

Also, a new rock omnibus, CROSS GATE 2008 -chaotic sorrow-, will be released on the 26th of March. The only reason millions of fans are salivating over this release is because it happens to contain a new, hitherto unreleased song by Versailles called “SFORZANDO,” a beautiful and outstanding example of the symphonic/neo-classical metal genre. (Some zealous fan uploaded the song to YouTube, where it’s available for your listening pleasure.)

Music annoys me sometimes, but I don’t think Versailles ever will.

Other news: I added a streaming music player to this blog, accessible through the “Currently Playing” link in the horizontal navigation menu above. As of this writing, my playlist features the aristocratic stylings of Versailles — their 2007 mini-album, Lyrical Sympathy.

Musical artists next on my list:

• Vidoll
• Phantasmagoria
• Rentrer en Soi

And the pile of Chinese pop lies forgotten on the floor…

There was a snow day today, on account of below-zero temperatures. Yahoo.

Now, anecdotal moment!*

(Standing alone in the kitchen)
Orlando: (holding four kitchen knives behind his back while affecting the air of a subservient butler) Perhaps you would like a cleaver between the eyes along with your breakfast, Señor Lang? (manic gleam enters his eyes as he brings knives in front of him) Or perhaps an open heart surgery without anesthesia???

(Grace walks in)
Grace: … Orlando… what are you doing?
Orlando: (pauses in the act of brandishing his knives) Uhhhh… I was just… thinking.
Grace: “Thinking”??? Please, Orlando, put those away. Calm yourself.
Orlando: Calm? Calm??? Grace, I am calm! Can’t you see this aura of calmness surrounding my face? I am EXTREMELY CALM!!

* Rough English approximation from memory. Brought to you by Besos Robados, a Peruvian telenovela of a decidedly tawdry caliber. Yet, regrettably, I watch it on a regular basis every Saturday. (That’s one of the only benefits of living in America, by the way: free Spanish-language channel!) Trashiness aside, the premise wasn’t too bad at first, but the characters and the story of late are beginning a deathward spiral, and Orlando, el chofer, is really the only fun character left on the show. Too bad he’s in love with Fernanda, who I personally think is una bruja. And the reason Orlando was fantasizing about killing Samuel Lang (the sleazy and morally questionable abogado) in the above scene was because Samuel had started romancing Fernanda, and Orlando couldn’t do anything about it because he’s a servant and of a different social class. Not a very good show, anyway. Better than the Mexican ones, though. Y supongo que esté mejorando mi español…